Confusion, fear, mistrust, and anger are just a few of the possible emotions a child may feel when entering a foster home for the first time. Regardless of how adults view the safety or functionality of a prior living arrangement, for that child, their sense of familiarity and routine has been disrupted, which can make transitioning to a new environment or foster family difficult.
Children may feel a sense of loss at being separated from their biological family, along with the emotional burden of current or past trauma. They are not only encountering a new living space but also new schedules, new rules, new boundaries, and all the new people they are now surrounded by — most of whom are well meaning, though that in itself can be overwhelming.
While not every child will experience this change the same way — and most may ultimately thrive in a home that offers structure and stability — many children in foster care require time, effort, and patience to adjust to a new home. Below, we review some strategies for foster parents that may aid in building a smooth transition from a birth home to a new placement.
Recognize and Validate a Foster Child’s Emotions
First and foremost, recognizing and validating the many emotions a child may feel is key in helping a foster child adjust after they have been removed from their home. Children in foster care may display a wide range of behaviors to express their emotions, and it’s important to remain compassionate and understanding.
Here are some ways to help foster children adjust to their new environment:
- Invite and encourage communication, focusing on listening rather than questioning.
- Avoid quick fixes, comparisons, or criticisms.
- Use simple reflective statements that acknowledge emotions, such as “I can see how angry you are.” This shows the child you are paying attention and are there to support them.
- Calm, consistent reactions to behaviors associated with strong emotions can also lay a foundation for children learning how to regulate emotions, while also showing the child you are committed to being there for them even in difficult moments.
Create a Safe and Welcoming Space for Your Foster Child
Creating a space that feels welcoming to the child will promote a sense of belonging and ownership. Also keep in mind that although foster parenting is a critical role, other family members play an important part in making the child feel included and safe.
Here are some tips on how to welcome a foster child into the home:
- As much as possible, allow the child to make small choices in their room, providing them with a bit of control in a situation that might otherwise leave them feeling powerless.
- Put together an age-appropriate welcome kit that considers their interests.
- Ask the child before rearranging or discarding personal items. This shows the child that their input matters and that you respect their space.
- Include all household members in a discussion before the child arrives to agree on welcoming language, appropriate boundaries, and privacy expectations.
Provide Stability Through Routines and Expectations
A new family often brings new rules and routines that may prompt some resistance. Children who are new to the home should have expectations clearly explained, with gentle rather than harsh reminders about schedules or restrictions. In the first few weeks, build flexibility into daily activities, but keep the general structure consistent to increase predictability in their environment, which promotes comfort and emotional stability.
Here are some ways to help everyone in the household (and a new foster family) adjust:
- Include foster children in household chores and conversations.
- Provide explanations for rules whenever possible and keep consequences for breaking rules consistent across all household members.
- Avoid surprises about potentially stressful events, such as court dates, dentist appointments, or social worker visits. Giving children time to prepare mentally and physically will likely improve cooperation.
The Path to Feeling at Home
Whether it’s a teen or a small child, fostering children can be a rewarding experience all around. Accepting a foster child into your home can also be a hard transition for everyone in the household but may be made easier by incorporating some of the strategies outlined that focus on empathy for the child and maintaining structure during a time that could otherwise feel disorienting and scary. Providing a safe, supportive, consistent environment is an opportunity for a displaced and traumatized child to adapt over time with the ultimate goal of the child thriving in their new surroundings.
Adjusting to a new home is a significant transition for any child, and there’s no universal timeline for how long that process will take. Every child’s experience in foster care is unique, and some may face challenges that go beyond what routine adjustments can address. If you notice persistent changes in a child’s behavior, sleep, appetite, mood, or social interactions, consider speaking with their pediatrician. You may even find specialized programs for medical care in your community like our Foster Care Health Program at Nemours Children’s Health.
By understanding the emotional weight of the change, creating a welcoming and respectful environment, and providing consistent routines with room for flexibility, foster parents can help ease the transition and build a foundation of trust. Patience, empathy, and open communication are the most valuable tools in this process — not perfection. Over time, even small, thoughtful gestures can help a child feel safe, valued, and at home.
Written by: Caitlin Pedersen-Brown, MD, a third-year pediatric resident at Nemours Children’s Hospital, Delaware.
