5 Simple Ways to Grow Good Behavior With Time-Ins - Nemours Blog


5 Simple Ways to Grow Good Behavior With Time-Ins

5 Simple Ways to Grow Good Behavior With Time-Ins, by Meghan Tuohy Walls, PsyD, Powered by Nemours Children's Health System

We all know about time-outs: Sending children to their room or removing them from enjoyable people or activities. But how well do we practice time-ins, which help reinforce good behaviors? And why should we work on quality time together?

Why Time-Ins and Quality Time?

Quality time with parents provides many benefits to kids. An important thing to remember is that quality really does matter over quantity. It’s not necessarily how many minutes you spend with your children, but that you’re present and make the time matter when you’re together.

Research suggests positive quality time with parents results in a number of positive outcomes, including:

  • strengthening the parent-child relationship
  • fostering communication
  • improving behavior
  • decreasing later risks in adolescents for both mental health and health outcomes

You’re also modeling positive relationships for your children and helping them understand the importance of being engaged and consistent.

Start Simple

1. Snuggle.

Be generous with your hugs. Sit close to your kids while reading or coloring together. Give them a back rub or a little caress.

2. Give compliments.

Tell your children how glad you are to be their parent … how well they shared … how hard they worked on something. Praise their efforts and tell them that you love them.

3. Make the most of quality time.

Set aside special time for each of your children and make the most of it. Get away from screens. Hang out with your kids without making demands or giving advice. Let your child choose an activity for you to do together. Play catch, take a walk, play board games, go window shopping, bake cookies. These bits and pieces of time are often what children remember most.

4. Show interest.

Find out what your kids are thinking or doing during pretend play. Ask about their hopes and dreams. Attend their sporting events. Be available to listen without always being the “answer person.” Ask questions that provoke conversation: “What do you think about (teacher/book/famous person/news event)?”

5. Give small unexpected, thoughtful gifts.

Give gifts that convey, “I was thinking about you,” such as a pack of mints, a funny greeting card, a little note in the lunchbox. Look for ways to connect with your kids without spending a lot of money.

Make Quality Time a Priority

This concept is so important that DE Thrives recently started the QT30 campaign, encouraging parents and children to spend 30 minutes of quality time together.

Make it a goal to spend half an hour a day of quality time with your kids. Watch the differences in their attitude and behavior, and make an effort to give more time-ins than time-outs in your home.

Meghan Tuohy Walls, PsyD

Meghan Tuohy Walls, PsyD, is a psychologist at Nemours Children's Hospital and Nemours Pediatrics, Jessup St. in Wilmington, Del.